


Death Threats, per se

by daikenkai



Series: SP Drabble Bomb [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Gen, Henrietta is a soft bitch, I am a dialogue slut, my idiot goth children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 19:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13841916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daikenkai/pseuds/daikenkai
Summary: Pete made them an ultimatum and Henrietta knew nothing would come of it unless she took matters into her own hands. This is her taking matters into her own hands, consequences be damned.





	Death Threats, per se

**Author's Note:**

> **Confession**. 
> 
> As always I am late to the party. This should have been posted yesterday but. I know myself. I'm always late. Lol.
> 
> Nothing really happens in this but I kept writing and couldn't stop. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

They’d been caught. They thought they’d been subtle and they’d been caught (as close as they could be to) red-handed. He had fought so hard to only brush the barest tips of his fingers against her and she stood close enough to smell him sometimes but neither of them thought Pete would notice.

“Thanks for blowing our cover.”

“Me? What about you? I fucking felt you touch my hand while he was talking.”

They both heard the bell ring and it cut their conversation short, the both of them going their separate ways and dropping the subject altogether.

 

* * *

 

Pete hadn’t ceased with his talk of Mike. Henrietta would rather shove a fork in her eye than listen to him and Michael felt like his dick in a grinder would feel preferable. (Is this how it felt to Pete, with them? About them? Fuck.)

Henrietta had had enough. It was during lunch the next month and she had followed Mike and his crew to where they always sat on the bleachers, thinking they were better than everyone while drinking --- GAG --- _Clamato juice._

Mike perked up when he saw Henrietta and he smiled that perfect smile. For a moment even she felt a twinge of what Pete did. He had managed to get fans that were the exact shade of perfect white as his own teeth and not even a hair was out of place. How the fuck did someone so lame have the audacity to look that perfect?

Fuck, she’d been hanging around Pete too long.

She stood in front of Mike and took a drag on her cigarette, making sure to blow the smoke in his face.

“Smoking is ba—”

“Yeah, smoking is bad for me, I’m gonna die, who cares.” She waved him off and did it again. “Listen, for whatever reason, Pete — yes, the one you feel hates you? With the killer dye job that I maintain for him? — is smitten with you but he thinks you think he’s beneath you or something.” Henrietta took a glance at the peanut gallery and narrowed her eyes at Mike. “I have no idea _why_ because it’s clear you are all still just lame posers and hide behind this because you can’t admit how miserable you are but I digress. Give me your fucking phone.”

Mike moved like a zombie but handed over the Samsung device. Henrietta found his contacts easily enough and added Pete’s number, going so far as to open a new text message with his number in the recipient window. “Please. I never ask anything of anyone but if I have to listen to him talk about how much he hates you for how hot you are I may gargle bleach. Go out with him and, like, entertain him. You might even have fun.” Mike had softened up and had a stupid smile on his face, cheeks getting redder by the minute.

She couldn’t let it end there, though. Henrietta stepped forward and grabbed Mike by the collar so they were nose-to-nose. “I swear to a god I don’t believe in, Mike. If you hurt him…”

“To which god are you referring, _per se_?”

Henrietta screeched. “It doesn’t fucking matter! If you fucking hurt him, I will yank off your dick and shove it so far down your throat you shit it out.”

Mike stared wide-eyed at Henrietta and blinked before speaking, garbled noises escaping before he could find words. “As cool as I think it is that you're protective of him, I don't think threatening me within an inch of my life is really...helpful, per se.” Mike motioned for his followers to leave and he sat on a bench with Henrietta.

Henrietta sighed. “I'm going to tell you something that cannot leave this room, got it?” Mike made the zipping Motion along his lips and otherwise stayed quiet. “Pete really likes you. He's had a lot of hurt in his life and that's why he is the way he is. I don't think he could handle you breaking his heart.”

For fear of his life, Mike nodded and continued his silence.

“He told me he wouldn't even bother asking you out unless Michael and I did something about us.” She saw his eyes widen again and flipped him off.

“I know, how cliché. People don't see me as a person. I get oinked at and mooed at in the hallways. It really doesn't bother me. It's been going on since I was ten. Michael has never cared about that and it… I feel drawn to him. But he's an idiot and I know he's never going to do anything about it. What I'm saying is maybe give Pete a chance?”

Mike smiled. “Does this mean I'm allowed at your table now?”

Henrietta belly-laughed and took another drag on her cigarette, perched daintily between her manicured fingers in her vintage cigarette holder. “If you actually think we sit at some conformist table at lunch then you really don't know any of us at all. But we might let you commiserate with us by the loading dock.”

“Is that a yes?”

She was regretting this already. “It's a maybe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on [tumblr](http://xigbarf.tumblr.com)!


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